Is Mom Ok?
Determining if your parents need help managing their lives (Part 1)
It is heartbreaking when you come to the realization that your parent or parents are no longer the strong, independent individuals that you have always turned to in times of need.
You may notice that your Mom can no longer hear as well as she once did. It’s easy to poke harmless fun at your parent who has difficulty hearing. It can also become very frustrating having to repeat things multiple times because “you mumbled.” It is very important not to ignore the fact that an elderly relative has become hard of hearing. Based upon research performed at Johns Hopkins, hearing loss can increase the chances of falls, walking issues and even dementia.
“ In a study that tracked 639 adults for nearly 12 years, Johns Hopkins expert Frank Lin, M.D., Ph.D., and his colleagues found that mild hearing loss doubled dementia risk. Moderate loss tripled risk, and people with a severe hearing impairment were five times more likely to develop dementia” (https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-hidden-risks-of-hearing-loss). It is estimated that hearing loss may contribute to ten percent of the 47 million cases worldwide of dementia. It is theorized that the brain is having to use more resources to compensate for the hearing loss and therefore these resources are unavailable for others tasks. (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/09/200901112218.htm).
Convincing your parents to have their hearing checked and to wear hearing aids if prescribed will probably be fairly easy. Discussing with your parents whether or not they should still be driving may not be an easy conversation. A survey conducted by Caring.com and the National Safety Council revealed that “asking an elderly loved one to stop driving was more difficult than discussing finances, final wishes or selling their house” (https://www.whereyoulivematters.org/how-to-know-when-your-parents-should-stop-driving/).
The best way to determine if one of your parents should stop driving is to buckle and get in the car with them. Have your parents drive you somewhere so that you can access their driving skills. If you notice any problems or difficulties discuss these with your parent. They may be a bit more receptive in relinquishing their keys if you can state specific issues you have witnessed with their driving.
According to AARP there are several warning signs to look for when deciding that it is time for your loved one to no longer drive. These signs include:
- Driving too fast or too slow for road conditions
- Frequent dings, dents and scrapes on the vehicle
- Delayed response to unexpected situations
- Getting lost, especially in familiar locations
- Becoming easily distracted or difficulty concentrating
- Having difficulty moving into or maintaining the correct lane of traffic
- Hitting curbs when making right turns or backing up
- Having frequent close calls
(https://www.whereyoulivematters.org/how-to-know-when-your-parents-should-stop-driving/)
Start the conversation early. Begin by suggesting that perhaps your Mom or Dad should no longer drive at night or drive in heavy traffic. Initially, suggest that their driving be limited to the area where they live.
There are so many services now that can provide transportation or deliver the goods that your parents need. Services such as INSTACART, DoorDash and Uber can be very beneficial to your loved one and offers a safe alternative to their driving. Some communities offer free or low cost transportation to medical appointments.
Ultimately the question of whether your parents should still drive hinges on their safety and the safety of other people out on the roadways. If you feel strongly that your parent should no longer drive and they stubbornly do not agree, talk with your local law enforcement agency. They may be able to suspend you parents driving privileges and require a medical clearance from their doctor to drive as well as passing a driving test.
These conversations are never easy. Beginning them prior to having to have them helps. Keep the conversations respectful, compassionate, informative and specific.
Until next time, be kind!
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